3 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions
How many times have you been told to just, “calm down,” when you are anxious? I know I have, and let me tell you, it is the least constructive thing you can tell someone whose emotions are currently overwhelming them. For most people, it just sends their emotions into overdrive and invalidates their feelings. Guess what happens when your feelings feel invalidated? Your emotions spiral even further.
Over the years, I have had to learn how to create my own toolbox for when my emotions are out of sorts and need to be regulated better. There is only so much help we can rely on the people around us to provide when our emotions need regulation. Below I’m going to share my three favorite tools and how to use them.
1. Be Conscious of the Narrative You are Telling Yourself
Sometimes our emotions are all over the place because of what we think is happening. We build a narrative that fills in the blanks. And most of the time, this narrative is negative or fear filled. If you feel like your thoughts are spiraling, take a deep breath and try and ask yourself what other explanation is possible? What is the truth?
For example, if you haven’t heard from your mom in a few hours, you may jump to the idea that she is mad at you. But what are the truths? Your mom works, she’s busy, maybe she doesn’t have her phone on her. Recognizing the truths that surround the situation is the best way to check the narrative your brain is repeating, which will help you better regulate your emotions in the moment.
2. Identify Your Triggers and Try Reduce Them
It is important to learn what triggers your negative emotions and work to not put yourself into a position to experience them. After you have identified your triggers, you can explore why they affect you so much and how you can overcome them so that you can be ready for any situation you might encounter.
3. Talk Positively About Yourself
So many of us speak negatively about ourselves when our emotions become overwhelming. Try treating yourself with some compassion and replace the negative talk with positive self-talk. Be your own biggest cheerleader and it will shift the negative emotions you are feeling.
Emotional regulation is more than just making yourself feel better in the moment. Everyone feels emotions, positive and negative, but the peaks and valleys between the emotions can impact our lives. Emotional regulation is about lessening those peaks and valleys so there are fewer moments of intense emotions. When you learn better emotional regulation, you will be able to participate in your life with more joy and have better relationships with the people who matter the most.